As we start out in adult life, we may focus on our needs first and wants second and there’s some logic in that as need is an absolute requirement whereas want is a nice to have, for example.
Need: I need a job that provides for me and my dependents or I need a home to protect me and my dependents
Want: I want a job that pays well to give me and my dependents a good life or I want a home in a nice area with lots of space
You get the picture!
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, often shown as a pyramid, highlights that needs are important for survival at the basic level, but needs develop throughout our lives. We don’t always move to each level, but it does represent what may be important to us at a given point in time.
Based on Maslow’s theory of motivation (1943)
Why is it important to know this? The line between want and need can be blurry, for example striving to be successful and wanting that next promotion in Maslow’s terms is a need because it builds self-esteem. Can we live without the promotion? Yes, which then defines it as a ‘want’.
When I was a child, I was reprimanded for saying I wanted something because “we can’t always have what we want” and although it was a good lesson to learn, knowing what you want is as important as what you need. Drive and energy can be stimulated when working towards something you want, with ambition and motivation responsive to wants as well as needs. Being very focused on your own ‘wants’ is seen as selfish and self-centred, which it can be when the needs of others aren’t also considered but it plays an important role in personal development. If you replace the things you fear with the things you want, you move forward instead of standing still.
Seeking approval from others and recognition of status is something clients often bring to coaching sessions, particularly those with low self-esteem. Feeling valued and being seen is important for everyone but can be difficult when you can’t find your voice. Working one-to one with a fully qualified executive coach can help to build confidence and self-assurance by exploring in a safe, non-judgmental space what might be holding you back. When identifying what you really want and replacing the fear that’s preventing you, opportunities that were previously out of reach can be attainable. If you’re suppressing your wants and only listening to your fears, then call me on 07595 917634 for a chat to see how I can help you.
